Non Sum Qualis Eram
by SeraphicInsanity
Summary: A lot could happen in 9 months. A man could meet someone, fall in love and get engaged. In 9 months that very same man could get drafted in a war he never believed in because in 9 months the world could end. Shaun didn't care so much about that last bit..


Disclaimer: _I do not own __**Assassin's Creed**__ and all of their characters belong to __**Ubisoft**__._

Pairing: _Shaun/DesmondEzioAltaïr._

Story: _Non Sum __Qualis __Eram_ (I am Not Who I Used To Be)

Warnings: _Hints at m/m sex, Hallucinations, Mature Language, first attempt at Original Characters, Angst and mood swings (I'm a moody guy... It effects my writing)  
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Authors Notes: _This story was inspired by and is heavily influenced on certain songs from Benny Goodman. My knowledge on history and the regular day to day lives of the people living during the Great Wars is very likely to be next to none but I have a huge passion concerning these times. If there is anything you feel lacking or that you find interesting from this period, please feel free to shoot me a message either in the reviews or on a pm. I'd love to have you involved.

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_"Good night, my love, my moment with you is now ending…_

_Remember that you're mine, Sweetheart"

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Prelude pt 1:_ Good Night, My Love_

9 months.

A lot could happen in nine months. A single cell could become fertilized, multiply, become a fetus, and be born an infant child, new to the world and wailing for his mother. In nine months, a man could meet someone under stressed circumstances, fall in love despite the world collapsing around them and propose. In nine months that same man would be shipped off and forced to fight in a war that he never knew existed because in nine months the world could end.

Shaun didn't really care about that last bit because for nine months, Desmond would be gone.

"Come on, it's only nine months. Don't you remember that I was gone for seven years? Seven years _alone,_" He heard Lucy say for the umpteenth time this morning, "It's going to be fine."

Surprisingly it wasn't the agitated Briton who complained.

"I just really think that Baby could still teach him a thing or two! Lucy what if he isn't ready?" Rebecca whined monitoring the topic of their conversation from outside the Animus. Desmond lay there unconscious and oblivious from the outside world, reliving the memories of his Italian ancestor Ezio Auditore Da Firenze.

"He's ready, Becca. We can't risk overexposure to the bleeding effect," Lucy let out an exasperated breath as her fingers clacked away at her keyboard mercilessly. Her patience had been worn thin as tension arose in the hideout following the news of Desmond's drafting. Shaun couldn't even recall the objective of his mission but every time it was brought up he found himself spacing out, something very unusual for the highly attentive assassin. Even now as Lucy reminded a stubborn Rebecca of the go down, Shaun caught himself shuffling absently through the secret file he had appropriately labeled "Miles". He'd fancy that Desmond would sit in that vacant seat Shaun kept there just for him and they would run through the archives, Shaun secretly boasting with the vast amount of knowledge he possessed and Desmond adding in stupid little comments like he usually does with those warm dark eyes laughing at Shaun's irritation. Only they never did that, Shaun too afraid to cross that line he had set up between them and Desmond too busy drooling over Lucy's desk in front of everyone's eyes.

Still, Shaun could catch the glances Desmond threw his way every now and then.

"This is ridiculous. Shaun, aren't I right? Tell me I'm right," Rebecca frowned, crossing her arms over her chest like some overgrown child. Normally Shaun would enjoy putting a damper on her little egocentric parade but the truth soured that opportunity.

"We don't have much time left, pet," came Shaun's dull reply as he minimized and deleted a screenshot of Desmond's in animus shenanigans, wearing his ancestor's body like a mask. Ezio was balancing on a pole, gathering a crowd of excited Italian peasants to watch the "street performer's" act. Even now in the animus, Desmond was hitching rides in the tip of people's gondolas, chatting about weather and the tides before pushing them off accidentally. It was something incredibly idiotic and completely Desmond. It only weirded Shaun out to find that Ezio played the same game.

"Becca, what's he doing in there?" Lucy said, mildly annoyed by Desmond's procrastination.

"Well uh,… it looks like he's courting around a Templars unconscious body on a gondola…" Rebecca secretly sent Shaun the screenshot, adding the caption, "First date. Think he'll get laid?"

Shaun scowled, sending back a screen shot of the Templar falling off and Ezio trying to reach for him, "Death before dishonour"

"Well pull him out. If he's not serious in there, maybe he will be out here."

There was that toughness in Lucy's eye that spoke serious business. Shaun almost pitied Desmond before deciding that the slacker deserved whatever he had coming.

"Good Morning Sunshine!" Rebecca cooed as a groggy yank blinked himself back into the 21st century. It took a trained eye to notice the subtle changes in him following each session in the animus but it was never anything too drastic. Coming to the hideout, Desmond had a scowl that resembled Altaïr's own golden glare and now Desmond's eyes took on Ezio's squint (why Ezio squinted was anyone's guess, the man's vision was freaking perfect). Every now and then Shaun would catch a glimpse of something that was purely Desmond but the Bleeding Effect took more and more of him away.

"What's wrong," Desmond growled, Altaïr glaring through trembling fingers that rubbed Desmond's tired eyes. Shaun was pretty sure he was the only one who caught that. Rebecca on the other hand was more distracted by the soured mood Desmond was in. He had been perfectly happy in the animus, laughing and singing with the old man who thought nothing of the corpse propped upright in the gondola, but now his silvery yellow eyes glared at the floor.

"Lucy wants to mark your progress," Shaun said smoothly, directing Desmond eyes towards him so as the others would be less inclined to notice the less than obvious colour change. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as Desmond watched him work from his seat in the animus.

"Pick your partner Des," Lucy spoke from behind her computer screen, thankfully occupied by numbers and figures.

The amateur assassin sat still in his seat, most likely weighing up Lucy and Rebecca as worthy candidates as Shaun had been rather clear once before that he was _**BUSY**_ and should Desmond attempt to coax him in anyway, he would do more than just flip him down the stairs and break his arm (Got a shitload from Lucy about that one). It wasn't that Shaun was stronger than the girls, it was more that he could bitch and moan with the intensity of a teenage girl menstruating and no one in the warehouse wanted to deal with that.

That's why it came as a shock to Shaun to hear Desmond call his name.

"Please Desmond," Shaun groaned, "go away. I'm busy. _Busy_. I have things to do, loose ends to tie up. I don't have time to play with you."

Desmond made his way over to the muttering Briton somewhere in the midst of his excuses and stood rather still. It was creepy and Shaun couldn't tell if it was Desmond or Altaïr watching him.

"Lucy, what's wrong with this guy? I think he's stalking- BLOODY HELL, MILES PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Rebecca snickered as Shaun was unceremoniously tossed over A broad shoulder and carried out of the room like a potato sack despite his kicking and screaming.

"I fucking swear to you Miles, I will put a bullet through that daft head of yours if you don't put me down right now," Shaun seethed, stressing the last few words as his mouth fired them of one at a time. He could practically feel Desmond roll his eyes from his position on his shoulder, just adding to the irritation Shaun felt in that moment.

"Come on Shaun, I don't have much time left," Desmond sighed, "I really need to talk to you."

Those last few words were spoken softly, barely a whisper but loud enough to stop the squirming. Didn't do anything to the complaining though.

"I have legs, Miles. I can even walk with them! You know walking right? The motion in which your feet propel yourself forward as they push off the ground? I'm not sure if you noticed though but I can do that. Quite spectacular really."

"Oh? I would have never noticed," Desmond growled, "The only times I've ever seen you were when you were sitting on your ass in front of that _stuff _or when I have you on your back, scre-"

"You shut the bloody fuck up," Shaun hissed flushing as he remembered what had occurred just that night, finding that they had come to a stop in the midst of the maze Lucy set up to test the parkour skills Desmond inherited through the animus. It was abundantly clear, however, that Desmond was not interesting in sparring or free running.

"Are you just going to stand there or will you set me down? Don't have all day, love." Shaun's irritation reached its peak and Desmond dropped him before Shaun's foot could make contact with his lower half.

Once on the ground, Shaun took a defensive pose raising his fists and making eye contact, "Well Miles, what do you want to talk about?"

Desmond had done the same, but gave a slow sloppy strike as he spoke, "You know what."

Shaun's footing slipped and despite his skill, the punch collided with his arm, "do we have to talk about this?"

Desmond took the opening and jabbed, giving Shaun barely enough time to back up and glare, "Yes we do."

Bright blue eyes met stormy grey, betraying their owner and Desmond gasped. Shaun took this opportunity to run, not in a cowardly way but as a way to force Desmond to move around (that's his story and he's sticking to it). Desmond followed close behind as Shaun flipped gracefully about the large space around them, climbing and diving while his opponent chased him down.

"Are you crying?" Shaun almost fell, catching himself before tumbling down.

"Would you expect me to answer that honestly?" Desmond had managed to reach him and pulled his arm, forcing the Historian closer to his body.

"Shaun, look at me." Desmond's voice was calm, soothing, everything Shaun didn't feel. A hand held his chin up, forcing his face into view but also exposing the emotions in the other. Shaun had time to prepare a passive stare but Desmond was not trained in that area yet. His eyes were anxious, looking into Shaun's for something that was definitely there but not visible to him. Desmond gave up, crashing his body into the slightly smaller one desperately.

"Nine months, Shaun, Nine fucking months."

Was that seriously all anyone could talk about?

"You're an assassin Desmond. Nine months is nothing," Shaun began slowly, running trembling fingers through dark messy hair. It had been a while since Shaun had last trimmed it. He'd have to remember to get that done before Desmond left…

"Don't you say that!" Desmond almost cried, harshly pulling away, giving Shaun a better view of glistening brown eyes. Desmond's scarred lips quivered slightly into a small frown. Shaun never noticed, or just ignored, how tired Desmond looked. He needed a good shave. He looked like a wreck.

"You're always talking about how those Templar bastards are going to find this place," There was nothing Shaun hated more that hearing Desmond use his own words against him, "Who's to say that they won't storm the place while I'm gone and… kill you." Desmond was breathing hard.

Never in all his love's hallucinations had he seen a man so close to the brink of destruction. There were times that scared the hell out of him, like when Altaïr was drowning in the bed sheets, flailing and hyperventilating as air refused to fill his lungs or when Ezio was reliving the day he had seen his family executed but those weren't really Desmond's memories. They weren't purely Desmond's pain.

Shaun himself never spoke his own fears, fears that Desmond would leave him, find someone more attracted (maybe a certain blue-eyed, blonde-haired co-worker) and forget all about Shaun while he was gone for nine months. He worried that Desmond would come back and those feelings would no longer be as warm. It hurt to imagine, it hurt to think about, so Shaun held Desmond close, mashing their fears and worries together till they were crushed into millions of tiny shattered pieces.

Nine months…

"I love you Shaun Hastings," Desmond murmured against his lips, very unromantically. Shaun would have laughed had the circumstances been different, as they sat in the maze of boxes in a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. It didn't matter though, as long as they were hidden from the rest of the world, "Please Shaun, I need to know you love me too."

Shaun had no doubt in his mind that he loved Desmond, "I do Desmond. I do."

Desmond chuckled, pulling Shaun closer to him, "You say that now. Are you willing to say that again for me?"

Shaun blinked in confusion, "What do you mean?"

He couldn't see what Desmond was doing behind his back but he felt his squirming and fidgeting. He was curious to say the least.

"Shaun, I've been meaning to ask you… We've been together for a while now," More fidgeting, "And I want nothing more than to be with you. So Shaun, I'm going to ask you this," Desmond paused and took a deep breath, eyes changing colour rapidly, a mesh of gold to brown to grey that never blended. He pulled away, small cardboard box in hand. Shaun had a sinking suspicion of the contents of said box. It was confirmed as Desmond took his hand within the warmth his own possessed.

"Shaun Hastings, would you marry me?"

Shaun couldn't speak. He nodded weakly, smiling a bit, "You can't possibly be doing this now Desmond… Yes. I will."

He watched with fascination as Desmond clipped the makeshift engagement ring on his once bare finger. There were obvious signs that Desmond had made it himself, the novice showing skills in metal smith and computer hacking and Shaun could help but stare at the thin silver band engraved with a crest that Desmond claimed as his own. ('_Miles means soldier right? I'm a soldier to myself, not the brotherhood. I'm fighting for myself and those I love'… Shaun never told him that Assassins could never love.) _

"Desmond, you know what this means don't you?" Shaun whispered voice thin and nervous. Desmond caught on rather quickly, looking towards the direction of the stairs.

"Yeah. As soon as I come back Shaun, you and I are getting out of here," Desmond sounded so sure and confident in that statement, Shaun almost believed him then. Instead, he just allowed himself to be held in those wide arms, secure and safe.

"Just come back to me alive, alright Desmond?" Shaun wished he could remember the last time he had that innocence. It died along with a huge part of who he was before the Brotherhood found him. He briefly searched Desmond's eyes not knowing what he was looking for before pulling him into a long breathless kiss.

He didn't know what he would do if he lost Desmond...


End file.
